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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Loses some bite but still doesn't suck
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is close to being an absolute disaster, so focused on breaking away from the previous two installments that it's actually worse than both of those movies and I am extremely disappointed because Eclipse is my favorite book in Stephanie Meyer's poorly-written saga. There is just so much laziness going on in this movie, so much "Oh, don't go past the PG-13 rating" and the near complete lack of blood in a VAMPIRE film that I wanted to bash my head into the popcorn machine in the lobby. And oh my gosh that stupid, vapid, Grey's Anatomy-wanna-be love triangle! It was the worst thing about the first two movies and it's still present here on top of all the other crap!
But, despite my bashing of the movie, it's not terrible. The action sequences are good and reasonably well-made (even though no one will accuse this of being even remotely on Harry Potter's level). Some of them are really exciting (until you see vampires being snapped apart in porcelain doll fashion, which is dumb). The werewolves still look fake but they're not as bad as they were in New Moon. They actually have emotions this time. In other words, they look better than the ones in Blood & Chocolate, but not as good as the ones in Underworld.
The acting is TERRIBLE outside of Kristen Stewart and the hardly-noticeable Anna Kendrick. Robert Pattinson needs to learn what anger is and quit confusing it with jubilation and Taylor Lautner should be unemployed and would be if he didn't have great abs. I'm a better actor than Lautner, but he could take me in a beauty competition, which is really all that matters in his role as Jacob Black. Even so, LEAVE THE DAMN SHIRT ON. The only reason you take it off is so people won't notice your donkey teeth and the fact that you were Shark Boy.
When the credits rolled, I got up, walked out of the theater, and realized that I didn't hate Eclipse as much as I initially did while watching it. It's honestly not terrible. But it is a letdown. It is a major, major letdown. This was supposed to be like, totally, like, OMG, the best film in all of the history times. Instead, it becomes a film that I have already forgotten about as this review concludes. Now, I have to wait for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Now THERE'S something to get giddy over. Oh, and when does the next episode of TruBlood come on?
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